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The breakup was terrible. I cheated on him and lied about it for months. When I finally told him the truth, answering his oft-asked inquiries about my infidelity with a final, fateful yes, we remained locked in a toxic back-and-forth, shouting insults at each other for a month. But late one night, in a parking lot after we had spent an angry hour talking on the phone, I made a decision that I would later consider an act of mercy for both of us: I would never speak to him again — and didn't. The meeting brought long-needed healing. I needed to tell him I was sorry, he needed to tell me how bi guy I had hurt him, and we both needed to hug.
He was not a cheater. Bi people are not predisposed to infidelity. I was the cheater. The reality was far from it: He was unbearably monogamous and loyal to a fault. But even if a bisexual person does cheat, it's hardly evidence that bisexuality inclines a person toward infidelity.
At most, it's only evidence that the person cheated and is therefore not presently cut out for monogamous dating. Yes, he truly was attracted to both men and women. Bisexuality is real. Bisexuals really exist. But I understand where this misconception comes from.
Many gay guys myself included claim to be bisexual as a sort of "baby step" out of the closet. But unfortunately for my ex as well as for all the other bisexual men and women out there, the straight and gay people who use a bisexual identity as a "halfway house" contribute to the widespread negative notion that anyone who identifies as bi is actually a flimsy, half-hearted gay man or lesbian.
My ex watched lesbian porn one night and it made me really uncomfortable. The whole time I thought, Oh no. It was childish, but the feeling is understandable: He was clearly attracted to something Bi guy would never be able to offer him, and I feared that unmet bi guy would cause him to seek satisfaction elsewhere.
Although differences can be deal-breakers, a difference in sexual orientation doesn't need to be. I've heard many, many people — gay and straight alike — say they wouldn't date a bisexual person. Although I understand some differences to be deal-breakers vastly oppositional religious beliefs or political leanings come to mindI can't understand why the difference between gay or straight and bisexal is such a no-go for so many. From a practical standpoint, it's unrealistic: bisexual people will have to date a gay or straight person at some point, because there simply aren't that many bisexuals out there although several recent studies indicate there are more bisexuals around the world than we've ly assumed.
My ex and I had many differences that made us incompatable, but our different orientations were hardly the reason why we split. In actuality, our orientations slightly overlapped, like Venn diagrams — our relationship existed in the purple area between his bisexual red and my gay blue.
Bisexuals get hurt just as much as the rest of us. I could attempt to rationalize my cheating and say that I did it because I thought that, as a bisexual, he would rebound fast with a girl or hit his larger playing field with a vengeance.
But really, those would just be excuses. That hurt had nothing to do with his sexual orientation and nothing to do with his place in the LGBT acronym.
He was hurt because he was in love. In the long run, our relationship changed bi guy for the better — at his expense. He had every right to hate me, as did all of his friends and all of his family, who welcomed me for a two-week stay one summer when we were together. Over the course of the breakup, I started a blog called The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend referring to myselfwhere I would write about gay life from the perspective of "that guy you probably still hate.
Although I'm no longer writing the blog for him, the relationship did, perhaps, help me become a little less beastly. I had been nervous about dating a bi person and was initially filled with jealous insecurity every time I thought about the fact that he was noticing women too.
It took a while to learn that my insecurity was on me, and my nervousness was misplaced — his bisexuality would be no threat to us. My recklessness would. Drop the insecurity and the prejudice. I was. Follow him on Twitter BadAlexCheves. All Rights Reserved. Subscribe To The Advocate. Search form Search.
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Three years after we broke up, the lessons my bisexual ex-boyfriend taught me still ring true. By Alexander Cheves. And most important: He was not a cheater. Latest News News. Out Traveler.Bi guy
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